October 2011
1 post
A Joke No One Got...
Me: It has a moon chart so you can know the phases of the moon. Everyone needs that.
Him: Duh. That tells you when to fish.
Me: It has tide data too, but that just lets you know when to sing blondie
Him: ...
September 2011
3 posts
I made this, because I hate everyone.
My dad's the best
Me: Daddy, I'm sad.
Dad: It's okay, you're allowed to be sad
Me: cries
Dad: That's how it works kiddo, you have to be sad and then you stop and then you get over it and then you're over it for good.
May 2011
5 posts
I feel like sleep is pretty afraid of my insomnia and that’s why it never wants to hang out with me.
In Which People Don't Get My Sense of Humor
One of boyfriend’s soccer teammates was showing us bruises from their practice that he gave her and looked at me and asked me if I could believe it. I said “Oh I can believe it he beats me every day.” I got a lot of concerned looks and nervous laughter, and boyfriend said one of the guys on his team gave him a look. I immediately followed it up with “Just Kidding” and...
“”I mourn the loss of thousands of precious lives, but I will not rejoice...”
March 2011
4 posts
Jam of my liiiiiiiife
Don’t know why I get so angry over stupid little things that have nothing to do with me.
February 2011
1 post
January 2011
3 posts
So I'm Unemployed Now
I quit my job at my dad’s cuz I just couldn’t take that shit anymore, and moved to Austin where all my friends/all the fun is, and now i’m gainfully unemployed.
I cannot for the life of me understand how people do this. People with kids, okay, you’re busy all day. This is Day 5 of unemployment for me and I am so bored I want to kill myself. I’m in a new place and...
December 2010
5 posts
Sometimes the World (and the Internet) is Good. →
Long story short, The Bloggess was offering gift cards to the first twenty people who needed money to give their kids a Christmas. Eventually it snowballed, and over 900 gift cards were sent out by 689 of her readers to help families in need.
November 2010
7 posts
Anna: it's ok, tomorrow i get to go to a fancy party
Anna: though i was informed that i have to wear an actual cocktail dress, not just a dress i've spilled a cocktail on =(
Anna: cos i have plenty of the latter
Anna: and have to borrow one of the former
Me: well girl, the good news is
Me: you can make that borrowed cocktail dress
Me: both a real cocktail dress and a dress you spilled a cocktail on
Anna: hahaha
Me: After a half bottle of vodka you can do anything you put your mind to!
Here's Some Life Advice That No One Should Need
When someone sucks it up and apologizes to you, and sounds sincere about it, don’t be a bitch. Even if you’re still mad, thank them for apologizing. You don’t have to prolong the cycle, damnnn.
http://www.phrobi.com/ →
Bill:thats just a robe that wishes it was a snuggie
Kat:IT HAS A HOOD
Bill:SO DO KLAN SUITS
Nostalgia
I was talking to a friend of mine the other day about how he never knows the words to songs now and I mentioned that I missed the days where you went to the store and bought a CD and laid on the floor and pored through the liner notes while the CD was playing in your obnoxiously loud stereo system. You’d get annoyed when your family came in and interrupted your listening session. Sometimes...
“You guy should have your own comedy show”
– Paige at work who apparently finds my exchanges with my father to be hilarious.
October 2010
13 posts
While the Express Lane may only specify that it’s 15 items or less, it is also implied that you will be using credit or debit or some form of quick cash. If you are writing a check, you are defeating the purpose of the express lane. In fact, don’t write a check for anything other than places that don’t take debit. Digging in your purse for exact change also needs to be relegated...
“Just saw your new haircut on fbook. It made me think of you… With shorter...”
– I have the best, most hilarious friends.
Conversations That Explain A Lot
My married friend with a baby was marveling over the fact that I was going to so many shows/a music festival in another state and told me that it must be nice to be able to do whatever I want. I responded, “Yeah it’s called not having a significant other or a child.” I obviously value freedom more than love at this point of my life. Ha.
STAY IN BED AND GROW YOUR HAIR: i’m watching this... →
worstfuckingideas:
stayinbedgrowyourhair:
i’m watching this show on E!, “too young to kill”, which i didn’t know existed until today but was clearly tailor-made to fit my interests. it’s really reinforcing my belief that if you have a baby, you’re bringing a person into your home that may one day come into your bedroom with a butcher…
glad to see i’m not alone in the “i refuse to have kids...
“Resilience is one of my few good traits. Flexibility and low inhibitions are the...”
– My girl, Rose, to some bro who sent her the “let’s be friends’” e-mail without even having the decency to knock it out first.
Just shaved my legs with Axe bodywash. Does this mean I have to start wearing Ed Hardy skirts now?
Negotiating Rap Lyrics (with persons I never...
Him: can I hit it in the morning without giving you half of my dough
Me: hahahaa. no. midafternoon would work though
Him: midafternoon is a great time
Me: imma need an eighth of your dough for that though
Him: 1/8 of my dough, midafternoon 3 times/week. fair offer
Me: DONE
Him: i'm brimming with excitement already
"My Life is Sad" Edition
“I only use foursquare now to see what my friends who have lives are doing” - Me, 3 seconds ago to my friend who uses foursquare because she has a life.
This, compounded with that previous chat I posted, wherein my friend mentions to me that not putting on pants and not leaving the house is not a fashion choice, is making my life looking pretty sad right now.
Him: Why do people dress to look like they're homeless?
Me: That's how I dress
Him: Not wearing pants is not a fashion style
“I say round up whatever people there are with whom you can share a laugh,...”
– My friend Rose is super smart.
September 2010
3 posts
Benadryl Day Tripping →
LOL at “I ate 31 of them 4-5 times”. Also, LOL at “I took like 20 of these and didn’t feel anything but really really tired.”
Goddamn kids these days, I swear.
In Which FBI Academy Trainees Get Cameras and...
Me : Are you documenting the FBI Academy experience?
Him : Not so much. We are studying evidence collection and they want us to familiarize ourselves with an SLR camera
Me : Hmmmmm... That doesn't sound as fun.
Him : That's because you have no imagination. We can use them as our own.
Me : I vote you go to a zoo and take pictures of cute animals and send them to me :)
Him : You could just go to the zoo with me and cut out the middleman.
27 Years Old and
I just went on the first honest-to-goodness date of my life tonight. Ive been missing out.
August 2010
5 posts
likereallywack-deactivated20110 asked: Did I miss it? Did you take the bar exam again?
Job Prospects : South Side Locos Edition
me: uhm, my work sucks. i went to career counseling last week so that's pretty funny
cma: did they tell you should go to law school? (ed. note - i did go to law school, this is a joke)
me: haha no she said lawyer was probably not good for me. HR, Editing or something with numbers so I'm thinking South Side Locos HR Director
cma: nice!!! i'll finally have an in! go to the south side locos website. click on careers and scroll down to hr
me: i'm gonna need some kickbacks if i hook you up
cma: obvs.
me: or maybe i should be SSL treasurer
cma: or graffiti editor
me: haha yeah! i'll get them to make you a colorado branch to run. "West Side Locos"
cma: "South Side Locos Western Expansion Division"
me: love it. better learn how to start tagging "CMA"
cma: i'm gonna! i'll do an online course
Pretty sure there is no stranger feeling than answering the phone and talking to someone you haven’t heard from in months that you used to talk to every night. Weird.
Dear Brody Jenner,
I know you’ve been trying to fight the hot for years with your douchey tattoos/personality, but you’ve officially crossed the line. Done with you. DONE.
-Kat